will we fight, will we die

(...continuation of story. And then application found below)

He took a deep breath and pushed through the rugged fabric that freely hung.

Finally, he stood before the dying light. Tears could no longer be held back as they slowly trickled down his face. He couldn't believe how far he had fallen; how long he had ignored the light of this place and filled it with his own self-wants.

He stared at the light...it was barely flickering.  

It was once this light that guided every decision and move he made.
It was once this light that allowed the Heavens to open up and bring forth new mercies every morning.  
It was once this light that would miraculously ignite every morning into a burning flame that he, nor anyone else, could put out.   

What happened?

As he stared at the weak glow, he realized how wretched he had become...how wretched he had been all along.  

'Why was the narrow way so hard?', he pondered. He was never told he'd be brought so low and be allowed to sit in such great despair. 

'Was such a lowly place meant to be lived out by a saint? Lowly? In tears?' He figured there was so much more 
stuff...
and things...
and comforts...
to be enjoyed and lived out.
Afterall, was that not what he was promised? Was he not taught that his Love wanted him to live out all the blessings given to him and to be OK with all 
the stuff...
and the things...
and the comforts...
that his man-made religion offered him? 


So why such searing pain?   

Sadness filled his heart. He knew sacrifice was being asked of him. He knew, more than anything, his Love wanted him to love. Love must reign and trump all other things, for if there is no love, what good was the rest? He knew this was the Truth, and he knew it would cost him everything. He knew his life, as it stood, would never be the same. He knew he had to give up his world to retake his God-given soul.

He slowly turned his shoulders again, turning his back to the light. He pushed through the curtain and walked towards the opening of the place. He passed the altar and walked by the table. He stepped over the broken lampstand. He took each step with the thought of exiting and not returning to this place, at least not return on this defeated day.

But.

He was loved.
He forgot, but he is oh so loved.
So he loved. 
And it was his Love that gave him the strength to lovingly cry out one last time, so that is what he did: he cried out. He stood in front of the entrance and pleaded with all his might...

...and he cried...

...and he pleaded...

...and he mourned...

...he pleaded to his Love to come back to him, come back to guide the empty and rebellious man that finally stood alone, once again, in this place

He fell to his knees and eventually to his stomach. He mourned over his sin and expressed how badly he wanted nothing but his Love. Wanted nothing but what his Love already wanted.

Sweat and tears dripped as he shouted with loud cries, pleading that the light be ignited.

He cried to the point of exhaustion where his voice could no longer muster anything more than a whisper.

And it was quiet.

And it was still.

And it was dark.

It seemed like hours passed with no change.

He slowly stood up, realizing that maybe his heart had become so hardened that no mourning, that no cry would redeem the relationship and joy that once filled this place.

And it was at that very moment that things began to change.

The light flickered just a little bit more...a little bit stronger...a small breeze began to move around the area, swaying the curtain back and forth. The breeze began to fill the place and the dust that settled began to be swept away.  The darkness slowly peeled off the walls and illuminating gold began to radiate again. The breeze wasn't as strong as it was once, but it was enough for the man to know he was not cursed to fight alone, but was blessed once again to a place of forgiveness and mercy... it was the same forgiveness and mercy that he must now extend to all...to all the forgotten of this world.

He couldn't help but dance and sing and laugh before the Light...his Love...his God...his Saviour...

his real, living and resurrected Jesus.

false mirage #3: never be tested outside your ability
Ever been told that God will never test you or bring you to a place that is outside your capability...outside what you are able to bear and handle? The idea would fit so nicely on a Precious Moments' ornament, but unfortunately, it doesn't fit at all with the Bible.

I did believe this mirage to be true...and cried like a baby when it was found to be false...cried like a baby when the reality of life forged past the lies I heard in all those Sunday classes and sermons, and wrecked me beyond my ability to bear my circumstances.

Read with me, 2 Corinthians chapter 1 starting at verse 8: "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death".

Do we see it?

We will come to places in our lives where we will be simply over matched...and it's OK. It doesn't mean we're in a place where God cannot be found...and it certainly doesn't mean we're outside the centre of Jesus.

In fact, I'd argue that if we've never been in a place where we feel completely over matched, then we aren't living the gospel found in the Bible.

For instance, if you've never offended someone in your sharings of Jesus, I can assure you this:
a) you are not sharing Jesus enough
or
b) you are not sharing Jesus of the Bible.

Please do not allow Sunday morning to be the only time you hear the Truths of the Bible...oh please, I beg you!!!

Now, let's go to verse 9...the hope...there is so much hope found in Jesus.

"But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead'.

So yes, God will push you beyond what you are capable of handling...but remember, God is there and will do as He pleases...and will enable us to do His will despite our weaknesses, and often, despite our wills.

God will bring you to a place where you are forced to cry daily due to the disparity of your situation, but that is OK. That is the God we find in the Bible. He wants us to rely on Him. Remember, God is faithful and will bring you up from the ashes... in His timing.

and with that...
...my story above is complete. Really, it's simple: it's a story of how often we allow ourselves to guide ourselves, rather than come to a daily place of worship before our God...asking Him to lead, and asking Him to strengthen us to follow.

I've sinned greatly and have ignored my God on so many days in my life that it shames me. Thankfully, He heard my latest cry and responded. And now, I must must MUST be faithful in bringing that same saving grace -- that real and living Jesus -- to others.

The story above was about me struggling after I so freely gave up my precious time with Jesus every day in midst of busy studies, busy living, busy getting engaged, busy serving...busy busy busy... essentially, it was me telling Jesus He was a good add-on in my life, but not meaningful enough to be my life. I started realizing that I'd rather live a safe and comfortable life, instead of living a sacrificial life. 

Thankfully, He brought me back. 


And I pray and hope that this story falls on ears that find encouragement and truth in the words written. I hope it challenges us and brings us closer to Jesus.

We sing the choruses, and 'pay' our tithes, but do we understand what Jesus is calling us to? I hope so. I hope we dig deep every morning to seek and fulfill God's desire, not our own (or what others want).

take off
And so, my new adventure in Kenya shall begin. I take off tomorrow. Fearful? Nervous? Uncomfortable? All the above? Of course, but God is here and is oh so good. I am not one to enjoy travel or to be uncomfortable, so prayer is a must.

Pray
Now, I ask you my brothers and sisters for one thing: prayer. Pray that I passionately and unselflessly love. Pray that I am wise in my actions. Pray that I have strength and courage. Pray that I am protected in the wings of our Father. Pray... Pray... allow the Spirit to lead your prayers and the Word to be a guide to your lips.

Pray for my family and my fiance, for truly, they are loved deeply by me.

In Jesus' name...we serve...we fight...we die!